how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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