Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
