I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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