OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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