will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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