i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
