I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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