Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
