We won't sleep together?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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