Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
