i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
