I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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