This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
