I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
