Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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