I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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