:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
