I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
