Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
