are you still at the devil's house?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Farmville is her only friend.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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