i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize