You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
