Welp...herpes.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
