i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
