M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
