Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Randomize