Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Randomize
