ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
