I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
