I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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