My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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