we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
