she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
