i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
