Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
