Jerry, you need to find god
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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