i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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