oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Drake has all the answers
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
