I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So much rum. So many feels.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
