There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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