I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
