Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
