1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
