A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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