My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Enjoy the penises
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
