Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
