i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
