You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
