I'm eating all of the evidence.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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