Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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