She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
