OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
