How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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