Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
