btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When are your genitals available?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize