oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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