Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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