mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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