Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so explain again why im purple
no
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
