I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
