we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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