So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
