Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize