So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize