I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
