Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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