I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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