Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
